What to do about Larry the Sound Guy

When I came into a new church, a number of years ago, I met Larry the Sound Guy[1].  He was a Deacon (Elder) and had a number of jobs throughout the church, but running the sound system was his favorite, by far. He would come in every day and tinker with the equipment and he had installed the entire system by himself 20 years ago (as he was constantly reminding everyone).

This was all well and good, except that the sound system malfunctioned on a regular basis, due primarily to the fact that we had equipment that was 20 years old. Larry, however, insisted that it sounded fine, and fought tooth and nail any attempt to make any upgrades. So, we just had to deal with a sound system that sounded like a bowl of Rice Krispies (“Snap!,” “Crackle!,” and “Pop!”) all through the worship services.

However, the real problem that brought things to a head concerned the choir rehearsals. I had the opportunity to sit in on a couple of practices, and I noticed that Larry could not keep track of which CD and which Track was to be played at any given time. They had to spend an inordinate amount of time saying things like, “No, Larry, not that track, the other one!” or, “No, Larry, not that CD, the other one!” It was a mess, and everyone knew it. Everyone, that is, except Larry.

This rocked on for a number of months until even Larry realized something needed to be done. One night, after a particularly frustrating rehearsal, Larry went to a few of the choir members and made the statement that it was time for him to retire as sound board operator. In a gentle and encouraging fashion, they agreed with him.

The next week, in our monthly Deacons meeting, Larry, without any prompting, announced his retirement from the Sound Board Operator position. The chairman confirmed that Larry’s intention was to retire immediately, as soon as we could find a replacement. I pointed out that “Sam” was the assistant Sound Board Operator, and that he really should be approached first about the position, and then if he refused, we could then consider another. Everyone agreed with this.

So the next day, I went to Sam’s house and explained everything that had transpired up until that point. Sam acknowledged that there had been a number of complaints about the sound system, but that he didn’t want to see Larry pushed out. He said that he would take it, but on the condition that he talk to Larry directly to make sure that no one was coercing him to step aside.

I agreed to this, and at the time I felt that Larry would probably change his mind about retiring when we saw we had someone lined up to take his place. I was both right and wrong about this, as time would tell.

The next day, I received a phone call from Sam, who told me that he had talked to Larry, and that Larry had confirmed that he was retiring voluntarily. Sam then agreed to take the position, and I explained that I needed to get some new equipment installed, and that Sam would start the following Wednesday. (For the life of me, I do not remember who ran the sound system on that Sunday. If it was Larry, this might have contributed to his confusion.)

That Wednesday night, we had Sam running the sound system, and here comes Larry. Larry all of a sudden decided that he had said that he was going to retire “eventually,” not right away. I, and the others, as gently as we could, stood fast and did not allow him to take his position back. He stormed out in a huff.

I tried to visit with him a few days later, and his daughter was present. All she said to me was. “He’s really hurt over what happened.” When I talked to Larry, he said, “I really needed to retire, I just didn’t want to admit it.” We made a little small talk for a few minutes, and then I excused myself.

For the next few weeks, we didn’t see much of Larry. He attended a different church in town for a few weeks, but eventually, he did come back.

In the mean time, we did have at least one church member come storming into the church on a Sunday morning, demanding to know why Larry had been fired. The Choir Leader quickly explained things, and she calmed down immediately. This was my first inkling that we had a bit of a problem on our hands.

For the next several months, everything was quiet, until I had a visit from “Frank” and “Cindy,” a couple that had been attending for quite some time, and were now interested in joining. As we discussed the requirements for membership, and how the church worked, Cindy made the remark, “It took me a long time to get over what you did to Larry.[2]”

I asked her to explain what she meant by that. She said, “When you fired him.” I replied that Larry had not been fired but had quit voluntarily. She insisted that he had told her that he had been fired, specifically by me. My response was that I had a room full of witnesses that would say otherwise.

This response seemed to shock her, and her entire demeanor changed, and she said, “Uh oh, I think I owe you an apology. I’m sorry, I should have come to you sooner.”

She told me later, that she and Larry’s step-daughter (not the one that I had met earlier) confronted Larry, demanding to know what really happened. Larry then confessed that he had indeed quit voluntarily, and that he had lied about my actions relating to this. They then relayed this information to the daughter, and things settled down from there.

***********

I write about this because most of the churches that I had served in have had their own “Larry.” There is almost always someone who is continuing to serve beyond their ability to be effective, and indeed, may even be a hindrance to one degree or another, and the question arises, what can the Pastor and the church do?

The answer is, probably not very much.

Here is what I took away from this whole episode:

1.    Everyone knows this person is a problem.

You had to be deaf not to know that there was a problem with the sound, and every one knew that Larry was the reason. It’s just that no one had the heart to say or do anything. What it boiled down to was that the people would rather have a bad sound system rather than see Larry get hurt. This is to their credit, and it is a reflection of their love for him.

Part of the issue that arises with this sort of thing is that things like a bad sound system mean more to the Pastor than it does to the average person sitting out in the pews. There is a very good chance that the people are right.

Sometimes, we pastors get worked up over things that don’t really matter in the long haul. Things like less than perfect sound, books out of place in the library, cups stored in the wrong place can be frustrating, but taking care of people is obviously more important. Don’t get caught up in things that don’t really matter.

2.    Don’t make the first move.

I am reminded of the Dallas Cowboys, and their legendary coach, Tom Landry. When the new owners fired him in 1989, fans were incensed. As one newspaper writer put it, “They wanted him fired, but they wanted him fired with dignity.”

Unless you can find a dignified way to remove a person, you are likely to have a fight on your hands if you try to take the initiative. You are generally better off waiting for either God or the person themselves to make the first move.

Having said that, there is one set of circumstances that would prompt me to make a move, regardless of the blowback. That would be if there were a safety or health issue. If Larry had been driving a bus full of kids every week, I would have said something as soon as I had gotten there. I can live with hurt feelings on my conscience much easier than I can live with a bus full of injured children.

3.    Make sure that you have witnesses.

It is not uncommon for someone who has been in a position for a great deal of time to come to the conclusion that they are ready to retire. When that happens, they may go to the Pastor with this. It is sometimes tempting to go ahead and make a change immediately. However, the person may have second thoughts, and if they deny telling you something, you are going to look like the bad guy.

It would be wise, before instigating any moves, to have another person, such as the Chairman of the Deacons, go to them and verify their intentions. This will give the person in question an “out,” if they want to, and it will provide you with some cover, if they try to pull something later. Had I not had the aforementioned “room full of witnesses,” I could have been in serious trouble.

4.    Once you have reached a certain point in the process, you have to stand firm on your decision.

This is where it can get painful. There comes a point in the discussion where the person in question passes the point of no return (you’ll know it when you get there.) Once you hit that point, you have to stand firm. I am convinced that had we given in to Larry when he exploded, we never would have gotten him out of that sound booth until he died.

5.    Love everyone involved, despite what they have done.

Even if you have been lied about, even if you have been screamed at, love your people. This is, in my opinion, the most difficult part of ministry: loving the unlovable. Once the crisis has passed, whether you win, lose, or draw, love everyone involved.

---

[1] All of the names have been changed to avoid any undue attention.

[2] This conversation has been reproduced from memory, as best as I can recall it.

Schools, students, and "Reform"

I just read an article on ajc.com that includes a letter written by a public school administrator. Here is a link if you want to read the whole thing, but the gist of it is that a young man has participated in a High School graduation ceremony, but has not actually graduated for the simple reason that he has not passed his exit exams. (He still needs to pass the Math, Science, and Social Studies tests.)

The letter writer goes to great lengths to point fingers at all of the adults that have failed this young man, including himself.

What strikes me about this letter is that is is based on the premise that if a child fails, it must be the school’s fault. While he does acknowledge that the child bears part of the blame, it is overwhelmed by the failings of all of the adults involved in this.

My thoughts on the matter:

1. If a student is able to pass all of his classes and then fail a majority of his exit exams, then something is wrong, either with the classes or with the exams.

One of the changes that I have seen in schools since I graduated back in 1988 is an increased emphasis on the results of standardized tests. However, a bigger change is the way in which teachers assign grades.

When I was in school, there were very few kids that made all A’s. When I became a teacher, that had changed considerably. The reason is not that kids are doing better work in the classroom. Rather, the change has been the way too many teachers scale their grades.

I remember when I was teaching in a public school, and the question came up, “If you have an average level student who does average level work over the course of a grading period, what kind of grade should he or she get?” The textbook answer to this question is somewhere between a C and a C+.

However, when I asked the question over the lunch table one day, the almost unanimous answer was “B.” I remember thinking that if this was the case, then a student could get their name in the paper for the "A &B Honor Roll" with all B-'s, that meant that kids were getting their names in the paper for doing below average work. I realized that, at least to a degree, the complaints about grade inflation were justified.

I don’t really blame the teachers for this, at least not completely. Every teacher has had parents complain about low grades on tests and report cards, and after a while it is simply easier to adjust your grading scale, and let the whole matter drop.

Nor do I blame the administrators. While I was blessed to work for a principal that I knew would back me up, I know of others that were not so fortunate. (For a very lengthy example, click here.) However, these administrators ultimately answer to the school board, who are elected by these same angry parents.

The problem is not the teachers, nor was it the administrators. The problem is the parents who have somehow come to the conclusion that what appears on a test or report card is the responsibility of the teacher, and not the student. How many parents have told teachers, “My kid worked really hard this term and therefore they deserve an A!”

Funny thing is, every parent out there just knows that their kid works really, really hard, causes no problems in the classroom, and diligently does their homework every single night.

If we are going to “fix” the education system in this country, we need to start with parents that expect their kids to earn good grades by learning the material and actually doing well on tests and assignments.

As long as the teacher has given all of the material out that will be tested on, as long as they grade the tests and assignments the same for every student, as long as the requirements for the class in question are made clear, as long as the teacher has been competent in teaching the material to the students, then the parents have no room for complaints.

(By the way, if the vast majority of the kids in the class passed the test, then the teacher was probably not incompetent in teaching the material.)

2. This 18 year old kid (I am assuming his age) has already had three (3) kids!

Here is another problem: out of wedlock births. A few years ago, when my wife and I were in the hospital for the birth of one of our children, we were paid a visit from the woman who handled all of the birth certificate paperwork. She said something that has stuck out in my mind all these years. She said, “You two are married? Great! Most of the applications I have sitting on my desk are from single mothers.” (Emphasis mine.)

This kid has not even graduated from High School, and he is a father, not once, not twice, but three times! What really makes my blood boil is that the letter writer attaches no special significance to this.

(I will let you insert your own joke here about how we know what this kid was doing when he should have been studying.)

The fact that this young man is still in school tells me that he is probably not working, which means that he is not supporting these kids, at least not yet.

The fact that he is sitting down to dinner with his mother along with his (I am assuming) current girlfriend, tells me that there is a level of acceptance (though not necessarily endorsement) of having children out of wedlock.

I’m not sure what to make of the fact that his girlfriend got with him despite the existence of two other girls who were left high and dry.

This kind of ties into my next thought:

3. The writer seems to imply that the coach is partially at fault for luring him away from a supportive school environment into one that was less supportive for the sole purpose of winning a championship in a sport.

Another thing that has changed over the years concerns High School and College sports. There has always been what has seemed to many to be an overemphasis on the sports programs in our schools.

To a degree, this concern has been justified: kids are on occasion passed along to make sure that they are eligible for the next season, with no regard for the long term consequences for that student.

However, people need to remember that the bulk of the money for these sports programs come not from school budgets, but from ticket sales. I remember when I was in High School and hearing that the teachers had been asked to cut back on the copies that they made on the school copiers. Meanwhile, we were hearing the sounds of a new press box being constructed next to the football field.

I commented to my English teacher on the irony, and she acknowledged the inconsistency, but pointed out that the money was coming from two different places. Based on what I later learned, I reasoned that the money was coming form the several hundred people who paid $5 every week to attend football games every fall.

Given that the bulk of the money for sports programs come from ticket sales, a certain degree of marketing is to be expected. The issue that I take with how we view sports programs these days is not the emphasis that they are given, but rather how they are emphasized.

Sports programs definitely have a role in our schools. At the college level, it allows at least some students the chance to go to school without racking up a heavy load of debt from student loans, plus at many of your bigger schools where the Athletic department makes a major profit, it allows all of the students, not just the athletes, to attend a quality school for less money than they would have otherwise expected to pay.

The problem is the current emphasis on winning to the exclusion of all else.

Sports programs are supposed to be all about character development: playing as part of a team, taking responsibility for your actions, and so forth. My father played on the football team when he was in school and I know his High School coach had a tremendous impact on his development as a person.

Thinking back to the original letter, I can’t help but wondering what, if anything, did that coach do when this student got one girl pregnant, then another, and yet then another. At what point did the coach call this young man into his office and explain just how badly he was messing up? Why, after baby number 2, was he not kicked off the team as an example to the rest of the guys?

Again, you can’t completely blame the coach: too many parents just want a state championship, and nothing else matters. Communities in general and parents in particular need to stop worrying about win - loss records, and more about what kind of impact the program in question is having on their son or daughter in terms of character development.

4. This article left me asking the question, “ At what point do we start holding the students and the parents responsible for doing their part in school?”

Looking at this letter, the writer goes on and on about how the system has failed this student. To a degree, there may be some truth to that. However, it is even more true that this student and his parents have let the system down. (By the way, where was the kid’s father in all of this?)

If we are going to have the educational system that this country needs, then we need to start in the homes:

Parents have the obligation to instill a sense that getting an education is important.

• You do this by making sure that your son or daughter is at school on time everyday that they are not sick and not pulling them out of school just to take a vacation.
• You can do this by making sure that they do their homework everyday.
• You can do this by communicating with the teacher when concerns come up.
• You can do this by expecting your son or daughter to follow the rules in school, even the ones that you think might be unreasonable.

Students have an obligation to do their best in every class.

• You can do this by making your classwork a priority every single day.
• You can do this by letting the teacher know when you are having problems.
• You can do this by preparing for test and turning in assignments on time, every time.

(I know some of my former teachers are aware of the irony me writing this.)

Until students and parents (believe it or not, teenagers listen to their parents more than they are given credit for) start pulling their weight and holding up their responsibilities, all of the school reform on the planet will not make a bit of difference.

Being a Pastor, part 2 (My Epiphany)

I remember when I came into my first church, I was told, "In this church, the Deacons are the leaders, not the Pastor. The Pastor is to preach and visit shut-ins and leave the decision making to the Deacons and the Committees."

I suspect that this same conversation has been held with a lot of young pastors over the years. I attended a Minister's Conference several years ago where the leader explained that in a typical small church the job of the Pastor is to preach, visit, pray, visit, do funerals, visit, perform weddings, and visit.

Don't get me wrong, any Pastor worth his salt is going to spend at least some of his time out visiting. I remember when I was in a Hospital making a visit and I ran into Dr. David Uth (at the time, he was the Pastor of a congregation that was running more than two thousand every Sunday). I remember thinking then that if a Pastor with his responsibilities could find time to go to the hospital to visit, then anyone could.

I also remember when I was in High School, and my grandfather passed away. My grandfather had been heavily involved in our church for decades, and yet when he died, the Pastor never came out and visited with my grandmother once, not one single time. My parents were upset, to put it mildly.

One of the basic qualities of a good Pastor is that he loves his people. Dr. Uth went to the hospital because someone he cared about was sick. When the Pastor never came to my grandmother's house, people wondered (reasonably) if he really cared. (In his defense, I believe that the Pastor did care about his people in general and about my grandmother in particular. He simply was not very comfortable working with people one on one. This proved to be a hinderance to his ministry.)

The problem is that after a while if visiting is all you do, being a Pastor comes to resemble the game "fetch," where the Pastor runs back and forth and everyone looks on with admiration. He never really accomplishes anything, but because he stays busy everyone assumes that he is doing a good job as Pastor.

For years, I played that game. I measured my success as a Pastor by how many miles I put on my truck for that particular month. However, after a while I began to wonder what the whole point was.

Then I had my epiphany.

A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to sit in on a conversation involving a young lady in our church that was feeling led to lead our Youth Ministry. I had arranged for the two of us to meet with a friend of mine, Eric Ball, who has trained and equipped Youth Ministers for a number of years.

As the two were talking, Eric was explaining how Jesus had spent most of his time equipping twelve men for ministry. Yes, he ministered to the sick and the dying. Yes, he performed miracles that even his opponents could not deny. However, the bulk of his time was spent working with the 12 disciples, twenty four hours a day, for about three years.

Eric went on to explain how Jesus was a mentor to those men, and that as a Youth Minister, this young lady needed to be a mentor to the youth. He encouraged her to start working with the two or three that we had, start with them, and allow the ministry to grow naturally.

When Eric used the word "Mentor," a light bulb went off in my head. I realized right then and there that I had been going in the wrong direction for years. For far too long I had tried to be the kind of Pastor that everyone else wanted me to be and for some strange reason, it just wasn't working.

When Eric was explaining about how to mentor someone, I realized that this was what a Pastor is supposed to be in a church. Not just a teacher, not just a preacher, not just a shut-in visitor, but a mentor. All of a sudden, my life got a whole lot easier.

I realized that it is not my job to do whatever needs to be done around the church, but rather to help others learn to do whatever needs to be done around the church. I realized that my job is not to grow the church, but to help grow people.

As soon as that sunk in, I reevaluated my entire approach to being a Pastor. Right then, I started looking at all of the different ministries in the church, and I asked myself two questions: 1) who is the leader of that ministry, and 2) what can I do to help them learn how carry out their ministry?

As I did this, Ministry got a LOT easier and, frankly, all of a sudden it was fun (not a word you usually hear about being a Pastor).

I began to start meeting one on one with the various leaders of our programs. I shared with them the vision that God was giving to me for the church and we discussed how their ministry could be a part of this. Once I did that, I was able to step back from a lot of the things that were really stressing me out, and I immediately became more comfortable with my role in the church.

Does this mean that I don't make any decisions any more? No. I still make decisions, but they are more about the overall direction of the church. Do I step back completely from the different programs and ministries? No. One of my goals for this year is to meet one on one with each ministry leader at least once a quarter just to review what has been going on and where things need to go from there. Also, I keep an eye on what's going on week to week, but I try to avoid stepping in unless I absolutely have to.

My wife has noticed that since I started doing this I am a much happier person. I look forward to each new day more than I did before, and while I had considered leaving the ministry several years ago, I am more content than ever at being a Pastor.

Being a Pastor, part 1

A few years ago, I had an epiphany. I had one of those moments when the light came on in my head and all of a sudden a lot of things made a lot of sense. I understood why I had become so discouraged at being a Pastor, I understood why there is so much burn-out in the ministry, I understood why so many churches are struggling, and I understood a little better why God called me into the ministry in the first place.

Something that I have observed in churches is that we have seen the declining numbers in our churches and we have hit the panic button.

Don't get me wrong; we need to be concerned about dwindling attendance. I would hope that any church that sees fewer people coming every month would be concerned enough to do something about it.

However, what I have seen churches do is decide that getting bigger is the only thing that really matters. In a way, numbers have become our new God. We never admit this, and yet .... we always have to have more people coming to church, more money coming in the offering plate, more people going on mission trips, more, more, more, and everything else is secondary.

As a part of this, new Pastors are brought into a church and simply told to grow it (without making substantial changes to anything).

Pastors then start working trying to grow the church. They visit prospects, they witness, they come up with all these new programs to draw people in. If these things work, then the Pastor is viewed as a great success (provided they didn't make too many changes).

However, if they don't work, or don't work well enough, then the Pastor is blamed for the continued decline. People get upset, they criticize every move that the Pastor has made (or has been perceived to have made), make his life miserable, and then one day, to the shock of all, a search committee is observed in the morning worship service.

The Pastor goes to another church where he is told (again) that the church is looking for someone with "new ideas" and he thinks, "This one will be different." Except that it usually isn't, and sometimes it's even worse than the one before.

After a while, the Pastor decides that the ministry is not worth sacrificing his family, his emotional well being, and his sanity, and starts looking for a way out. Sometimes, he begins to tell himself, "Why am I doing this? I can do so much more for God and for my church as a regular layperson." Eventually, these thoughts get put into action, and he packs his bags.

(As an aside, if you are a Minister and have been considered doing this, be warned: you cannot serve God by denying His call in your life. I have seen multiple instances of what happens when someone who, like Jonah, has been called into the ministry tries to run away from it. The end result is never pretty.)

What are the results of this Spiritual Rat Race? Now we have not just declining attendance, but more and more churches are shutting their doors altogether. Fewer and fewer people are coming to know Christ, and our country (along with most of the world in general) is going right down the toilet.

If we are going to fix this country, we have to start with the churches. In order to fix our churches, we need to rethink what churches are supposed to be doing, what the Pastors' role in the church should be, and how he relates to his congregation and his Deacons.

And that is where my epiphany comes in. But you will have to wait for the next post to read about it. :)

Context

In order to avoid misunderstanding of some of what I write, you might want to know a little about my background.

1. I am the Pastor of a Southern Baptist church. I occasionally make references to Deacons. In SBC churches, Deacons function as a governing board. In some denominations they might refer to them as "Elders."

2. As I am male, and virtually all of the other Pastors that I have regular contact with are men, I refer to Pastors in the masculine. I am not trying to slight any woman pastor or minister, it is simply force of habit.

3. I am originally from Georgia, while my wife is from Louisiana. This makes for interesting game days when UGA and LSU are playing, or when the Falcons and the Saints are playing.

4. I base my theology on a literal interpretation of the Bible, within its original context. I have no real preference for translations, except that I use the New American Standard the most.

My new Blog

I have a very full life in a lot of ways. I have a awesome marriage to an amazing wife. I have three really good kids. I live at the beach where I pastor a truly wonderful church with a lot of really good, down to earth people.

And yet, my life is missing something. What could that be?

I know!! A blog! It seems that every other pastor has one, and if I don't, then I am out of date, left behind, a technological dinosaur.

So let me turn off my eight-track player and make one.

As so much of my life revolves around church and whatnot, there are all these things running around in my head that, if put together, might even make a book.

The problem is getting them down on paper in a coherent fashion. What I intend to do is write a post on a given subject, open it up to comments, and start refining and fleshing out some of these things.

So, check back here on a regular basis. I've got posts in my head about churches, Pastors, Deacons, Prophecy, Salvation, and snake handling, to name a few. You never know what is going to pop up.